Mike's Mistake

What the heck are we doing here? (and other thoughts)...

As those who know me know: my mistakes are many.  Today, however, I'll only address one: I've been in New Zealand for pert near eight weeks and have failed to mention to many friends and family what exactly we are doing here.  Further, I've spent many parts of the eight weeks wondering the very same thing myself.  I'll attempt to answer that question now in the ways I am able.

Pictured below is our home.  It is the room at a backpackers' hostel designated for the night manager, which we are.  We are on-call six nights a week from 10 pm until 8 am, fielding late night check-ins, fire alarms, and rowdy, drunken travelers.  Most nights are uneventful, but there is enough action to keep us on our toes.  In addition, Hilary is also one of the receptionists here.  During the day, I work as a general laborer on construction sites through a temp agency.

That, my friends, is the practical answer to what we are doing in simplest terms. Relaying this information to fellow travelers, co-workers, and acquaintances has drawn many odd glances and resounding "why"s.  Carrying buckets of rubbish up and down six flights of stairs 9.5 hours a day in an ill-ventilated apartment complex shoves the questions and incredulity in my face in suffocating waves.

As a result, I have spent much time and anxiety thinking about 'capitalizing on the experience,' 'making the most of it,' 'living life to the fullest,' 'finding my calling,' and other maddening cliches of self-gratification.  In the midst of my doubt, fatigue, and weakness, I chased after 'career calling' and neglected all else.  That ain't me, brah.  

A few weekends ago, I woke up to the ridiculousness of some of this scurrying.  I realized that a dream job is not my priority in life - certainly not here in New Zealand.  Above all, my priority is God.  I don't tend to talk publicly about my faith very much and still prefer discussing it in the privacy of an interaction among willing parties, but I also do not attempt to hide it.  It will always be the most important thing in my life and pursued above all else (although I repeatedly fail along the way).

After that my wife, my family, my friends.  Relationships with the people who surround me.  These are important to me, not whether I find career satisfaction.  I found myself talking about how "I'm doing temp construction work now, but I'm a writer.  I'm looking for work as a 'creative.'  I'm just making ends meet until I find the right fit."  What is that if not ego-boosting, searching for acceptance and approval in things I haven't even achieved, but maybe one day could?

Then travel.  I'm in New Zealand.  We're not living abroad because we wanted to escape the life we had in Minnesota.  We love it there.  Our family and friends there are amazing.  We love spending time with them and miss them like crazy while we're away.  The Twin Cities feel like home to us.  The foods, communities, sports, arts, events, and opportunities are mouth-watering.  But Hilary and I decided we want to see more.  To see life from other points-of-view.  To have adventures.  Experiences.  To step outside of our comfort zones and add textures and memories to our story together.  

For us, Christchurch is the right setting for this stage in our journey.  It is a base camp where we can grow in our faith, build new relationships with great people, set off on small trips around New Zealand, and work enough to pay the bills.  Many people here ask us, "Are you here for the Rebuild?"  Sheepishly, we aren't.  Folks have come here from all over the world because the quakes have left a plethora of jobs and rebuilding needs - worthy pursuits.  That isn't what drew us here and I sometimes feel guilty about that. 

The truth is - whether we intended to be or not - we are part of the Rebuild.  Literally, in the sense that we work at a hostel that hosts many long-term laborers and also that I am working on various construction sites around the city, but also differently, in the sense that we are broken and fallen and need constant reconstructing as we walk along our journey through this world.  

Despite all this talking and rambling that I'm prone to do, don't be fooled.  I've not arrived at some place of higher understanding or elite purpose.  I am the fumbling, bumbling human you all have come to know in some way or another.  I haven't learned any life lessons with any finality or discovered truths that propel me onto a richer life than the people around me.  I'll continue to forget and fail and lose my way.  But here we are and this is what we're doing.

We love and miss you all,

Mike and Hil